Identifying “Nice” Guys: The Modern Woman’s Field Guide

On spotting “Nice Guys” in their natural habitats.

Nearly every modern woman has spotted a Nice Guy, whether they know it or not, but sometimes they can be tricky to identify positively. This guide is aimed at the novice spotter who is interested in learning more about this fascinating fellow.

Nice Guys are often seen in a jeans-and-shirt getup, but sometimes the external appearance isn’t enough for a positive identification as this can be commonly confused with similar types. Behavioral cues are best when trying to identify this species in the wild.

Not to be confused with the Lesser Douchebag, or the Hot Ass*ole, the Nice Guy is unique in the natural world for believing that he is unable to find a mate purely because he is too Nice. Many times, as a modern woman, you’ll receive unsolicited messages from men, but only the Nice Guy will continue to message even after being repeatedly ignored or refused, sometimes for years! A most unusual behavior, though fortunate as this behavior makes them an excellent candidate for easy identification.

It’s a characteristic which make them slightly more camouflaged, as it’s tricky for beginners to identify, but no worries, there are several more entry-level signposts.

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You know he’s a Nice Guy if he lets you know, repeatedly, that he would never take advantage of you if you’re too drunk to say no.

Nice Guys won’t ever take from you, no. They’ll almost never use force because they don’t need to. Nice Guys just ask and ask and ask and then when you say no, they act like you’ve personally wronged them.

In the end, you wind up questioning who’s the bad guy here — is it them, for asking for what they so clearly believe they deserve? Or is it you, for withholding that which you could give them for free? They’re just being Nice, after all. This line of internal questioning is when you know you’ve been in contact with a genuine Nice Guy.

Nice Guys are known for demonstrating an excellent grasp of irony when they tell you you’re a frigid slut because you’ll sleep with other men, but not them. If you’ve been called a frigid slut, you’ve probably been in the very near vicinity of a Nice Guy! Smashing.

Nice Guys might be the shoulder to cry on, until they realize that you will never be naked while crying on their shoulder, and they then rescind the shoulder. This is a very common tell, and frequently is the moment that amateur spotters realize they’ve seen one! Keep your eyes peeled.

Nice Guys are known for believing in the barter economy — the “I was a nice guy, I didn’t force you to kiss me, so that means you owe me a kiss” school of thought. Here you can interchange “kiss” with any kind of physical touch — many Nice Guys rely on hugs, as they’re difficult to politely reject. You’ll recognize a Nice Guy when he asks you where his hug is, walking towards you with arms outstretched.

Nice guys believe friendship between a woman and a man can only even be a precursor to a relationship and sex; and should you disagree, they will exit the friendship in search of sexier pastures (or less strong-willed pastures, anyway).

Sexy pastures are a very typical habitat for Nice Guys, at least until they’re forcibly evicted by the Hot Ass*oles.

Nice Guys tell you that women are beautiful creatures. Nice Guys will compliment you on your tits, and then tell you they were just being Nice when you get offended or ask them not to comment on your body. An obvious marker for a Nice Guy is when he quickly turns the tables on you, asking why you’re unable to take a joke or a compliment. Now you’re the rude one.

Screenshot from @shaun_jen on Twitter.

Nice Guys are rational, logical beings. They never rely on emotion, and only get angry when they’re right, because they’re full of hot, steamy, raging self righteousness. When in this mode, they’re easy to spot from a distance, which can be a safer spot for the novices among you.

Nice Guys love to tell girls that they’re not like other girls, like it’s a compliment. Other girls, in their minds, can’t keep up mentally with them, and so it’s a good thing to tell the surprise woman who can stay on par with the Nice Guy in terms of intelligence.

Where might you find a Nice Guy?

Personally as a hobbyist spotter, I’ve seen some commonly in my Twitter DMs, Instagram DMs, and of course in real life. Most surprising and unusual was the LinkedIn Nice Guy! A very rare and satisfying spot for me.

Nice Guys are like raindrops in that when there’s one around, there are likely to be several more soon to come, so if you’ve seen one you’ll most likely meet more very shortly. They also grow easier to identify over time. Many expert spotters will be able to tell at a glance whether a man is a Nice Guy or not.

Nice Guys gather every time a woman ends up choosing to go with a man who will inevitably hurt her, instead of a Nice Guy. The mating call of a Nice Guy sounds like the words, “Won’t you just give me a chance?

A Nice Guy will always bemoan the fact that women only choose men for looks, but they themselves only be interested in “hot” women.

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Nice Guys herald aloud the fact that they can’t get a date, or that women are never interested in them, and are notable for their ability to simultaneously believe that women are interested in being objectified, but also will be attracted to them if they don’t objectify them, while objectifying them. That’s a trifecta! Hard to keep straight, but a definitive tell if you recognize it in a Nice Guy.

In the end, if you’ve been hemming and hawing and wondering if you’ve seen one or not, the most obvious marker of a Nice Guy is when a guy that has to tell you he’s Nice.

Happy spotting!

Biology MSc. Psychology nerd. She/her. Get my FREE 5-day Medium Starter Kit to make money writing about what you love:

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