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Why I Became a Gamer Girl
At the age of 24, I picked up an Xbox controller for the first time.
This is a two-sided story. On the one side, there is the phrase “gamer girl”: Rife with history, rich with an underlying subtext, with haters and outcries and controversy.
On the other, there’s me: A proud non-gamer for twenty-four years who’s had a complicated history with the concept of gaming. And understanding both is necessary for understanding why I became a gamer girl.
The reason I wanted to start playing games was because of my boyfriend. We’ve lived together for three years, and in those years we’ve struggled to find evening hobbies that we can share.
Normally, our post-dinner time is spent doing what we call our “independent hangout time.” He pursues his hobbies, which tend to be gaming. I pursue mine, which tend to be reading or painting. But we do them companionably in each other’s company in the living room.
I wanted to do something actively together. It occurred to me that while it would be difficult to share a book or a painting project, it would be simple for me to start gaming. All we were lacking was a second controller. So I bought one, and my life as a gamer girl began.
But to be honest, there was baggage.
I’ve pretended to be into games my whole life.
Seriously. Despite never picking up a controller or buying a single game, I’ve feigned enthusiasm for video games since I was old enough to know it was cool. We weren’t allowed consoles as kids, so I watched avariciously as my neighbors played games, absorbing the lingo, what people thought of them, which ones were good and which ones weren’t.
By the time I was eighteen and headed off to college, I’d already nailed the script. “Oh yeah, I love gaming. My favorite Assassin’s Creed game is Brotherhood. I prefer COD to Halo.” I watched with jealousy as one of the girls in my first year of college was revered as “cool” when she spent her afternoons crushing the boys and drinking beer while playing Call of Duty. I even thought about secretly buying a console just to prove I was just as good at the boys.
