You Don’t Have to Be Best Friends with Everyone

On learning that our lives only have space for some.

Photo by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash

I am the kind of person who tries to get along with everyone.

I love chatting to people, I love meeting new folks, and I’m a big fan of talking to strangers at parties. When I’m not friends with someone, it actively hurts me. Even people I know don’t like me. Even people I know I don’t like! I want to be friends with everyone.

I used to add friends to my collection like flowers on a chain — it was so easy to just add another, add another, add another — until the habit started becoming harder to break.

It got to the point where I started feeling like I was being downright unfriendly if I turned down invites, didn’t want to meet people for a coffee, didn't socialize outside my inner circle at a party. I hated feeling guilty about it, and I also knew that my friend-collection habit was unsustainable. I wanted to take the opportunity to break the habit.

So when my coworker (who I don’t love, frankly, and who I find a little annoying) asked me to come to her barbecue on the weekend?

I said no.

I didn’t have plans that weekend. I wasn’t brimming with business. I just didn’t want to spend time with someone I didn’t like, simply to…